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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225752">out of the corner of her eye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_katrine/pseuds/kira_katrine'>kira_katrine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Discovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of trauma, Canonical Character Death, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:41:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_katrine/pseuds/kira_katrine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Keyla's had to get used to a new ship, a new crew, a new eye, a new mission.</p>
<p>A new Georgiou, though?</p>
<p>That might be one thing too many.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Star Trek Holidays 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>out of the corner of her eye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/facethestrange/gifts">facethestrange</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The woman who looked exactly like Captain Georgiou always seemed to be watching Keyla, out of the corner of her eye.</p>
<p>It was incredibly unsettling. Keyla didn’t want to imagine the kind of things that might be going through the Terran’s mind. Certainly didn’t want to associate them with that face. With that name.</p>
<p>She’d thought the former Terran emperor had left the Discovery for good when the war had ended. That she’d gone off to make her own way, far away from Starfleet or any of them.</p>
<p>But now she was back. Keyla had thought they’d left that strange and awful universe behind--but no such luck.</p>
<p>She remembered the picture she’d seen of her other self. Remembered flinching as she’d looked at that other Detmer’s full head of hair, metal-free face and two natural eyes, as she’d known she could never really pretend to be her no matter what she actually did. As she’d felt a twinge of envy for this person, this murderer as she soon learned.</p>
<p>Airiam had come over to Keyla, stood at her side. She’d put a hand on Keyla’s shoulder, looked at her like she knew exactly what Keyla was seeing--and given that it was Airiam, maybe she did. Over the months they’d served together on Discovery, Keyla had learned how to tell what Airiam was feeling, even on a face that couldn’t make many of the expressions most humans could. Somehow, there was still warmth in those artificial eyes. Or maybe that was just what Keyla saw, since she knew the care was there.</p>
<p>Not so for this Georgiou. Her eyes were cold, only showing traces of the shine in Captain Georgiou’s when she was speaking flippantly about the most horrible things. In retrospect, Keyla didn’t know how she could have mistaken that woman for her former captain, even for a moment. Especially knowing where they’d just been at the time.</p>
<p><em> That was so stupid, </em> she thought to herself. <em> Stupid, stupid, stupid. </em></p>
<p>“Scary, isn’t she?”</p>
<p>Keyla jumped slightly at Tilly’s voice. “Sorry,” Tilly said quickly.</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine,” Keyla said. “I just didn’t see you there.”</p>
<p>“It’s weird,” Tilly said. She sat down at the table, across from Keyla; Airiam and Owosekun took their seats too. “It’s totally weird that she’s here. I get it.” <em> Do you, though? </em> “And it’s not just all the… you know, the comments about my hair or my posture or the stuff I say or whatever, I mean, that stuff’s basically just being home with Mom again, you know? It’s the other stuff. Like how I had to pretend to be, you know, Captain Killy, they called her, and it was super weird then too, except sometimes it felt kind of cool but then I felt bad about it, but I feel like she thinks I should be that, maybe? And someone thinking I should be something that I’m not isn’t exactly new for me, but, I mean, I don’t need that here.”</p>
<p>Keyla knew Burnham had met the other Detmer when she was undercover. She herself had read the file. She had some idea of who her other self had been, who Georgiou must see--or perhaps hope to see--when she looked at her.</p>
<p>It had nothing to do with anything <em> Captain </em> Georgiou had seen, she was sure.</p>
<p>Except now, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever known what that was.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Keyla had served on the Shenzhou for just over two years.</p>
<p>She’d dreamed of being a starship pilot all her life, almost literally. As a child, she’d looked at shooting stars and envied them as they rocketed across the sky. She’d begged her parents to let her start learning to fly until finally they gave in.</p>
<p>Much later, graduating from the Academy, she knew some of her classmates on the piloting track might have been disappointed to receive the assignment she got. The Shenzhou was an older ship, not necessarily equipped with all the cutting-edge technology many of them drooled over. But Keyla didn’t mind that. A starship was a starship, and she’d been flying so long she knew she could more than make do--could make <em> magic </em> with anything. As long as she could see the stars, it was perfect.</p>
<p>And this particular starship came along with Captain Philippa Georgiou. Everyone said she was one of the best. And if one looked at her service record, they’d find that to be as objectively true as a statement like that could ever be. </p>
<p>“Dude, I’d trade you if I could,” one of her other classmates had said when assignments had been issued--this one a young man with command-track aspirations.</p>
<p>Keyla had smiled and shook her head. “As if.”</p>
<p>Keyla had loved that ship. She appreciated every chance she got to learn its quirks, to work with the Shenzhou until she felt like she could do anything at that helm. To become fully absorbed in their path through the galaxy until she almost didn’t know where one ended and the other began.</p>
<p>Sometimes, she even almost forgot that Georgiou was sitting in the center chair, behind her. That she could see her.</p>
<p>She’d been a little afraid of Georgiou at first, as many new ensigns were--but she’d never wanted to show it. She’d wanted so badly to be cool about it all. To impress her, but without being too obvious of a show-off (a line many pilots were known to have trouble drawing).</p>
<p>She rarely actually spoke to Captain Georgiou beyond <em> yes, sir </em> and <em> no, sir </em> and <em> understood </em> and <em> laying in course </em>, but that was to be expected, and in any case, it almost didn’t matter. Georgiou had a way of making everyone feel like what they did was important. Keyla had no idea how she did it, but somehow, she knew Captain Georgiou believed in her.</p>
<p>She’d almost felt like they shared something, in a way, though it felt presumptuous to even think it. After all, she was not the Shenzhou’s only pilot--far from it. She wasn’t the highest ranked, or even close. But then she’d look at Captain Georgiou, listen to her when she talked, when she was theorizing about whatever thing Keyla had just flown them to, and she’d see that same love for the stars that surrounded them. That same love for the ship that brought them there.</p>
<p>Keyla’s first real starship. The first one she’d gone back to the helm of again and again, day after day. The first one she’d called home. Gone forever, now.</p>
<p>Of course, she’d still done her best, still performed well enough at the helm of the Discovery through the war, and things had improved with time--but it had taken her time to truly connect with the Discovery in the same way.</p>
<p><em> The Federation might never be the same again, </em> she’d kept thinking. <em> And neither will I. </em></p>
<hr/>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>Georgiou turned to look directly at Keyla. “I have absolutely no idea what you could possibly be talking about.”</p>
<p>“You’ve never seen anyone like me before, have you,” Keyla said. “It’s true, isn’t it?” Georgiou said nothing. “Because someone in your universe, someone who was hurt like me, you would have just left her to die, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>Georgiou tilted her head to the side, a vaguely bored-looking expression on her face. “Are you done?”</p>
<p>Keyla thought of Airiam’s hand on her shoulder, of Owosekun’s warm smile across the helm, of Tilly’s rambling comfort. She thought of Georgiou, <em> her </em> Georgiou, <em> Captain </em> Georgiou--how she, Keyla, had gotten so little time with her, but the other Detmer--the other Detmer never got <em> any </em>. Keyla almost felt sorry for her.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I’m not her,” Keyla said. Part of her wanted to look back down, but she forced herself to keep looking at Georgiou, waiting for her to say something.</p>
<p>“For the record, I couldn’t care less what you’ve got on your face."</p>
<p>Keyla wasn't sure what she'd even been expecting. What she even wanted from this. She had no idea what she was even doing there, but she'd felt like she needed to say it.</p>
<p>“You think everything is about you,” Georgiou went on. <em> Oh, and how many of those fancy titles of yours did you make up yourself? </em> Keyla thought. “If anything, you’re the one who… fixates on me. Not that I blame you, of course. If I were you, I’d keep an eye on me too.” </p>
<p>Georgiou turned and walked away. Keyla stared after her until the doors shut behind her.</p>
<p><em> I lost so much, </em> Keyla thought. <em> Crewmates. My captain. My ship. My fucking </em> eye <em> . My faith that things would be okay. And I thought maybe I could have one thing back--but no, that just wasn’t going to happen, was it? </em></p>
<p><em> But we all have, </em> she reminded herself. <em> Airiam lost her husband and the mind she’d known all her life. Owosekun lost her relationship with her family. Tilly lost innocence. Burnham’s lost so much I’m sure I don’t even know it all. All any of us can do is keep going. </em></p>
<p><em> And Georgiou-- </em> Keyla realized <em> --she’s lost her home, hasn’t she? Horrible as it was. </em></p>
<p><em> She can’t ruin my time on the Shenzhou for me, </em> Keyla decided. <em> Because she doesn’t know anything about that. Not really. That happened, and that was real, and that was important. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> And this, here, this has been very different. But this can be important too.  </em>
</p>
<p>She'd already known it was.</p>
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